In Love With Her Twins
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I have 5 year old twin girls whom I love more than anything in the world; they are awesome in every way; love to be with them; relationship is more than awesome; same with husband of almost 10 years.
(Sorry; trying to be fast.)
Prob: My girls have friends: a second set of fraternal 5 yr old girls !
Their mom having lots of problems; (in general and especially right now), I have been taking care of them / sitting for them more and more latley, (have known them for slightly over 3 years; since they (all 4 of them !) were 2.
Since shorty after then, and increasingly more now, I am hopelessly head over heels with this second set of twins; VERY strong feelings for them; never happier than when with and caring for them; (even when I had all 4 for 10 days, at 2; PLUS and older sib of 4 (!)), and ALL FIVE !!! had stomach viruses, and, with the excedption of the 4 yr old, (and the 2 sets of 2 yr old girls were all almost completly non-verbal at this time; my 2 not walking !) had severe stomach viruses, and, if I had a nickel for every diahreah (sp ?)) diaper; tear, scream, sleepless night ....... Anyway; didn't mind one of those diapers, (almost water in solidity), and, every scream-y, scary, cligny, night. (and, day, they have problems, some, this 2nd set, long story, mother, etc., etc.; while mine handled all well; these 2 CRIED, were SCARED of everything; CLINGY; would scream for literally HOURS at bed and nap time; again, with the mom and her problems, had serious seperation and anxiety issues, afraid of the dark, being without an adult, (even at noon, every light on, with their own twin, sib and my 2; terror and screams if I left, even for a second, emergency room visits for dehydration from making selves so sick becasue of a storm.
My twins, however, (thank God, but I try not to judge; mine and hers grew up in VERY diff sits.), took all in stride; being alone, the dark, storms, bedtime, etc.
Being afraid of men, of course, what else, they fell on me, hubby taking care of my 2, thus I care of all 4 or 5 alone.
Brilliant, (gorgeous, sweet and angelic), as far as physical and occupational, waaay ahead, made it all the more apparent of their probs in the social emotional areas, (though my family and the exposure and help of us did wonders and still continues to do so), as well as their, at over 5 now, verbal now, but, just in the last year and sooo waaay behind, never being made to be *bio-mom* as I call her. Grab a sibby cup, knock it into whoever, (*thirsty*), pointing to the fridge, (or even opening it and pointing to the bottle and eventually, getting it out, again, being far ahead as far as physically, occupationally, etc.), *do you want juice ?* nod or shake until an afirmative nod, or a point, you get the point, was how basically, change it per situation, but that was how they got what they wanted, and, being soo smart, genius level if you can believe it, you can imagine how *the crib of terror*, (alone, dark, closed door, away from the world, what am I missing; what can I be learning what's happending, etc. seeing it as a prison/jail, or a cage; and being non-verbal, for oh-so-long, you can imagine the frustration, at nap/bedtimes at most, (3 hours, twice a day, nap and bed), was the NORM for THREE YEARS, not the exception; at 2, imagine the energy it took; and being so active; loving everything; us and friends so often, activities, waking oh so early, bed oh so late, those 6 (exausted for them) hrs of tears; I cant imagine the effort it would take to cry and screm so very strongly in terror each time, but not twince can I remember or hear or in those 3 years, did they now, less than 2 hrs MINIMUM - anyway, you can imagine the frustration and the accompying tantrums being so smart and so opinionated; freedom and independence most important to them, at being put into that tiny cell, (with her twin !), and not being able to verbalize ANYTHINIG !
ANyway, prob is, despite all this, the waking, light, safe, unalone hours, angels*, gorgeous, sweet, identical, adorable, brilliant, loving, cant say anymore; feel deeply in LOVE LOVE LOVE with them, happiest when with, misewrable and missing and counting hrs till together again, (BTW, like my own daughets, Goddaughters, favorite neices, for anyone who's thinkning *pedophile*; love them more than anyone in the whole entire world, save my own twins and husband; want to keep/adopt them forever; have never felt anything as strong as than for them; heart aches when they cry; will do anything to prevent a tear; a smile would brighten my world for a week; good-byes were long and teary; hellos were best of my world; time apart would be thinking until and preparing for next time; the home; food, little gifts; so easy was it; for these poor kind of neglected children; to make them happy; having been so used to so little love, affection, attention, social and commmunity interaction, and forget the material things; my foot callous sticker things made them happily smile for an hour; (like stickers to them), a 20 cent box of crayons and old scrap paper was a lifetime of christmases as was a consignment store, very used, worn, old, dirty, etc, dress ......
Us, being, well, moderatly wealthy, my love for them and not working, and not abusive and much love and attention and affection giving, playing with, shopping, gyms, swim, playgrounds, floor home coloring, puzzles, hugs, little gifts, ,time, books, stories, their world ...... mine .....
They're not mine.
I want them.
Love them,
(exxaggerating, but), dont want to live without them. Huge efforts (in case youre wondering) to not neglect in any way, my own girls and husband, (all 3 love them, too; its an awesome situation; how can they not be happier here with us, than at home, neglected, poor, (by my standards, *bio-mom* picks them up, after 3 days, no smiles, hugs, eyes light up, run to her, hugs, etc, as mine do with me, (and hers too !), the opposite, and Mom doesnt care. Its almost as sad as this is to say, almost good that shes neglectful and un-loving; more time with me, where all are happier, she gets the breaks she so wants and needs, (ha), I / we get them, but, guilt makes her get them and is getting he best of her, tho i try my best to discourage as much as possible, and i have them less and less, though they are improving in every way, hugely since our interaction and more and more.
Jealous ?
Guilt ?
Shes not dying, (I'm their only *kin*), wont kill her, I guess, (lol), but this is so painful and I will do anything, make any excuse, to have them.
we want them to become our family.
My heart aches as if I am losing my own children.
Help !
Mom of doubles wants seconds !
One set of 5 yr old girls ....... 2 sets ?? No prob !
For any of us !
We love em and they love us; better off here; is it harder on me ? Uh .... a little bit ....... do I mind ?
WHat do you think ?
